Sir Ian McKellen

Not only is McKellen a Knight of the Realm, but he's also two of the world's most famous wizards. Do you really think this camp old queen will die anytime soon? Scott seems to think so. Good luck to him...

Predictor: Scott Powell, London
Mortality Status: Alive

Stephen Hawking

He may be a bit of a spastic, but Stephen Hawking is cleverer than he looks. No, seriously, he's generally thought of as being one of the smartest chaps on the fucking planet. I know, I was surprised too! Mental. Sadly, Hawking's monged-up body is letting his brain down; recent reports of a sudden health scare suggest that his funny little robot voice might soon be silenced forever. Bad for humanity, good for the Celebrity Cemetery.

Predictor: Marc Redhead, Seaford
Mortality Status: Alive

Pamela Anderson

Rumour has it that former Baywatch star Pammy is riddled with hepatitis after she drank the blood of a child that she accidentally killed with her left breast. Reports indicate that the incident also caused a small fracture to appear in the implant hidden discretely within the aforementioned tit, leaving her vulnerable to sudden death by silicone poisoning. Given the sheer stupidity of the woman, perhaps she'll just simply eat her own hands and choke to death.

Predictor: Ros Ball, Brighton
Mortality Status: Alive

Barack Obama

Hawaiian born 'first-black-American-president-and-loving-it' Barack Obama has got to be at the top of many of the world's most dangerous assassin's 'Got To Kill' lists. Kevlar-lined suits recommended.

Predictor: Emma Faupel, Brighton
Mortality Status: Alive

Jim Davidson

Old school racist fuck-head 'comedian' Jim Davidson is someone that falls dangerously into the 'I wish you were dead' category, rather than, 'You're likely to die soon', but we'll forgive Luke on this occasion. Fingers crossed ladies and gentleman.

Predictor: Luke Clothier, Brighton
Mortality Status: Alive

Dick Van Dyke

Born Richard Truck Lesbian way back in 1925, Van Dyke has really overstayed his welcome on Planet Earth. The Brits have never forgiven him for what he did in Mary Poppins (check the DVD for the deleted rape scene). The fact is, the clock's ticking for this old codger.

Predictor: Tom Bowen, Brighton
Mortality Status: Alive

Kate Moss

Moss' career as Britain's best loved walking shard of paper has led her down many a dark alley full of drink and drugs, including a well documented relationship with famous heroin bear, Pete Doherty. We await the day that her body finally snaps from the sheer duress of doing nothing all day.

Predictor: James Rogers, Seaford
Mortality Status: Alive

Vivienne Westwood

Crazy old British fashionista Vivienne Westwood is 68. That's old. Old people die. She could die. Good odds on this one.

Predictor: Laura Swan, London
Mortality Status: Alive

Muhammad Ali

A career of being punched in the head, plus Parkinsons. That'll do it.

Predictor: Matt Kendon, Brighton
Mortality Status: Alive

Lindsay Lohan

Adorable child star turned crusty skank, Lohan's debauched behaviour over the last twelve months has shocked even the most hardened freaks and sex offenders. Reports of Lohan snorting cocaine off Crocodile Dundee star Paul Hogan's shoulder blade, because she thought "it would be funny", were exaggerated, but even so there's a very high chance that this ginger bitch will be cashing in her life chips for death dollars very soon.

Predictor: Will Dobson, Brighton
Mortality Status: Alive

Pope Benedict XVI

Rumour has it that after his recent run-in with a 'mentally unstable' woman, the pontiff has been a little nervous around adults and females, and has therefore requested that everyone in the Vatican who isn't a five year old boy be shot in the head. What a queer fellow. With any luck, he'll have a sudden moment of terrible realisation about the existence of God or something, and turn the gun on himself.

Predictor: Adam Otulakowski, Brighton
Mortality Status: Alive

Macaulay Culkin

Wouldn't you kill yourself if you were molested by a [now deceased] major pop star? I know I would. Go on Macaulay, do the right thing.

Predictor: Scott Powell, London
Mortality Status: Alive

Paul Gascoigne

Former world class Geordie footballer turned brainless alcoholic fuck-up Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne has most likely drunk himself to an inch of his life on many occasions in the past. However, after recent speculation regarding a dramatic lifestyle u-turn, it looks like Gazza's gone and ruined all our fun. The question is, will his former boozed up behaviour haunt him into an early grave? Let's hope so.

Predictor: Will Dobson, Brighton
Mortality Status: Alive

Ian Smith

Despite being better known as lovable Aussie fat-fuck Harold Bishop, dig a little deeper into Smith's life and you'll discover that he's the Australian equivalent of Bernard Manning. So, you know, he's probably a racist. But that's beside the point; he's fat and old. I figure he's about a 2-1 odds.

Predictor: Scott Blows, Brighton
Mortality Status: Alive

Robbie Williams

Stoke's own cheeky-chappy pop star has gained a reputation for being somewhat of a cunt, so despite being an outsider in this competition, here's hoping for an awful accident to expedite the process.

Predictor: Chris Wood, Brighton
Mortality Status: Alive

David Attenborough

Attenborough may well be the only human on the planet that can communicate with insects, but that won't stop the Reaper from a knockin' when his time has come. One of the few genuinely respected personalities in the Celebrity Cemetery.

Predictor: Andy Purcell, Brighton
Mortality Status: Alive

Elizabeth Taylor

Seriously, how is she still alive? There's even odds on this horse.

UPDATE: She is not alive.

Predictor: Emma Bullen, London
Mortality Status: DEAD

Michael Douglas

Walking around with a Welsh handbag twenty-five years his junior won't fool us, Douglas' 65 year old body is a good shout for an imminent bucket kicking.

Predictor: Matthew Kendon, Brighton
Mortality Status: Alive

Adam Woodyatt

Having spent his whole life pretending to be East End loser Ian Beale, at only 41 years of age (with no known illnesses) Woodyatt is somewhat of an outside bet in this celebrity death race. But as we all know, this means nothing in the eyes of God. Smite him, oh Lord.

Predictor: Luke Semlekan-Tansey, Brighton
Mortality Status: Alive

Rolf Harris

Rolf's no spring chicken, hitting 79 years of age in March '09. His death will be a shock to veterinarians and wobble-board players everywhere.

Predictor: Gemma Blows, Brighton
Mortality Status: Alive

Denis Norden

Norden's been bumbling around the deep, dark caverns of the ITV archives with his fucking clipboard for too long now. I've got a good feeling about the poppability of his clogs. Norden for the win.

Predictor: Dr. Seamus, Brighton
Mortality Status: Alive