Like an abandoned drunk granddad left swaying around an empty dance floor after a wedding, intermittently vomiting up slurred, incoherent nonsense about "going higher or lower", belching ludicrous catchphrases at a non-existent audience, 'Brucie' can still be seen presenting mainstream TV programmes such as BBC One's awful celebrity 'talent' show, Strictly Come Dirty Dancing Ballroom On Ice Got Talent Factor, which is nothing short of a fucking miracle given that he turned 146 years old last week. With this in mind, surely it won't be long till he attempts his infamous and much-loved 'macho-man' pose, simultaneously causing his spine to snap, his heart to pop, his brain to melt, and his fucking head to topple to the ground and burst into a dust cloud of old skull and hair.
Predictor: Marc Redhead, Seaford
Mortality Status: Alive
